Fun fact: did you know there are technically not just ten, but more than six hundred commandments in ye olde testament? From what I know (which I will concede is little), the ten everybody has heard of are the summary-level and the bigger list is the details. Looking at the nitty gritty, I find myself wondering why chametz is part of so many of the ones concerning food. And what is chametz, exactly? Being too lazy to look it up, I’m going to assume it is black licorice, because that stuff is disgusting.

While the big ten are largely rules I agree are necessary to maintain civilization, I take umbrage at them being displayed, or mandatorily taught, in public schools. Really, you can’t be fair to everybody’s religious beliefs and be talking about having no God before this particular one or keeping the Sabbath holy.

Instead, I decided to make my own rules to live by. Seeing as to how I automatically don’t intend to murder anybody or commit adultery, I figure those didn’t need to be included. Also, these may end up numbering ten, but also might end up totaling less or more than that. I do not feel inclined to stick to the arbitrary number of ten.

With all that that out of the way…

• I will not assume the jobs of others are easy, or that those performing those tasks are lazy. But I will only assume this until proven otherwise.
• I will not find joy in the death or misfortune of another, though some people seem to be so hellbent on hastening the demise of humanity, or even the entire planet, to make this an especially difficult commandment to honor.
• I will not treat life as a zero-sum game, where one tries to get all of something (whether money, credit or particular good) while others receive nothing.
• I will not punch down. I do not have any disabilities and I will not find amusement in those which are the burdens of others. Similarly, I will not assume anybody has had an easier life than myself. We all have had our crosses to bear.
• If I don’t know something, I will say I don’t know. Little is more dangerous in any capacity than people acting upon alleged expertise which is a complete fabrication. If nothing else, the truth will eventually find you out. There is that saying that one should “fake it until you make it.” It is more likely that, if you fake it, you’re not going to make it.
• I will help others, but first ensure that I am in a position where I can afford to do so. This is not entirely selfish, as one cannot truly help others unless they can continue to do so. This is why the flight attendant tells you put the oxygen mask on yourself before helping others to do the same. If others can help themselves, I may provide some assistance, but with the expectation those people will learn to manage on their own. I will not allow my generosity to be abused. Still, if they make mistakes while applying what I have taught, I will not belittle or discourage them.
• I will respect others until their actions give me reasons to do otherwise. But that does not mean I have to automatically accept, and without challenge, whatever batshit crazy beliefs anybody expresses.
• I will fact-check information, especially if it is something I am more likely to believe because of a confirmation bias.
• I will not use others or abuse their trust. If somebody helps me, that is a debt to be repaid. One caveat, it had to be help that I wanted–I don’t want to fall into some sort of trap like Farley Granger in Strangers on a Train.
• I will not confuse the goals of others with my own. This was a mistake I tended to make for most of my life before somewhere in my 30’s. It is easy to fall into the traps set by the media, especially to be of a certain build or to drive a particular kind of car. Soon, you’re living the life somebody else said you should have, only to realize you are unfulfilled. I think it is important to have your own dreams and live life on your own terms.

These guidelines are only how I intend to conduct myself, and I do not expect the same of others. These are my morals and not my ethics, which is why the advice column in the New York Times is called “The Ethicist” and not “The Moralist”. I cannot change how others feel or think and can only control my own actions. And yet, I hope to inspire and influence others by setting an example with these guidelines for my own behavior.