If Immaculate and The First Omen had not been released at almost the same time in 2024, I would sworn one was ripping off the other.  But then neither need to do that when both so freely borrow from so many films that preceded them.

What distinguishes the former is it stars Sydney Sweeney, a young woman whose figure seems to be primary focus of the media and, presumably, many of her fans.  Given she plays a nun here, and so wears a habit through most of the film, that had to put a damper on some people’s enjoyment.

Sweeney plays yet another innocent novitiate from the states, brought to Italy on The Church’s dime, and finding herself in a diabolical scheme.  It is no surprise she will find herself pregnant, though this time it is apparently truly the second virgin conception in history.

What little I know about Sweeney comes from an article I read where she called out her fellow actresses in Hollywood for not supporting each other.  It turns out the situation is barely better for her character in the retirement home for old nuns in which she finds herself.  Heck, Giulia Heathfield Di Renzi tries to drown the pregnant Sweeney while screaming, “It should have been me!” 

Another memorable aspect of that scene is it takes place at a communal bath, turning into what I think may be cinema’s only wet dowdy bathing gown contest.  That feels to me like the film wants to have its cheesecake and to eat it, too, with a lead who is a strong female character while providing the opportunity for guys to crow, “Hey, lookit here–boobs!”

I wasn’t too surprised by that, as this is a film which largely operates at the level of the lowest common denominator.  It uses every lazy shortcut of modern film conventions, such as excessively color grading.  It uses lazy symbolism, such as an overhead shot of a large herd of sheep all running in the same direction.  It uses every tired horror film cliché, including a bird killing itself by flying into a window. 

The only element of this which seemed odd is a recurring bit with faceless nuns, and I never could determine what that was supposed to be about.  The film’s distributor is Neon, a company that so desperately wants to be A24 that I think they should change their name to N10 (I’ll direct you to the periodic table). Given this, I assume the nuns was their attempt to use the kind of visual wankery for which A24 is known.  Another element which reminded me of the other studio’s films is the pointless use of text overlays, breaking the timeline into chapters according to which trimester she’s in.  Oh, and Sweeney also loses a tooth, in an odd bit upon which the film never follows through, and I suspect this may be the only time a movie might possibly have been inspired by A Cure for Wellness.

But the film it most desperately wants to be, for whatever reason, is The Omen.  This is most telling in a scene where a character falls from a balcony to their death in the convent’s courtyard.  The only thing missing is them yelling beforehand, “It’s all for you!”

Immaculate is a pedestrian horror film decorated in some contemporary trappings which are themselves getting long in the tooth (even in the sudden absence of a tooth).  It didn’t help that I believed neither Sweeney’s performance nor the actions her character takes in the course of the story.  It’s one thing when somebody arrives for a permanent position in Italy and has barely cracked open their paperback of Italian for Beginners.  But when you fail to question why a home for retired nuns has a state-of-the-art ultrasound machine, I’d say it’s inevitable you’ll find yourself in the predicament which happens here.

Dir: Michael Mohan

Starring Sydney Sweeney, Alvaro Morte, Simona Tabasco

Watched on Kanopy