I am not much of a fan of Nicholas Cage, at least not of most of his work since The Rock. To me, he transitioned at that point from being an unusual, though serious, actor to become a scenery-devouring ham. I find it annoying so many are fans of his least grounded performances, especially his moments of “Cage rage”. What I didn’t know was he already lost the plot once before, way back in 1988, when he did Vampire’s Kiss.
Cage stars as a high-ranking manager at a publisher. Typical of everything in the late 80’s, this character obviously comes from money, is rather dense, and will only fall upwards through his career. That is, unless he jeopardizes everything by believing he is turning into a vampire.
This could have been a decent movie in the mold of counter-culture comedies of the era. It even could have anticipated American Psycho with a satire of alpha males of the corporate world.
Instead, we see Cage in a Prince Valiant haircut, eating a live cockroach. I read recently the roach eating is one of the few things he regrets doing in his career. Apparently, he was just following his muse. If that’s the case, I think I would find myself another muse.
I cannot think of another performance I have seen where an actor seems so determined to ruin a movie. Let’s start with that accent—what is he going for here? Fake British man with a sinus infection? Maybe with 10% surfer mixed in? And he keeps slipping out of it and reverting to his normal voice. He also does the worst and most obnoxiously artificial laugh I have ever heard. On top of all of this, his gestures and line delivery are often unrelated to the moment or even the scene.
The entire time I was watching this, I was wondering if Cage was out of control or if the director was actively encouraging such behavior. The longer I watched, the more I came to suspect the latter. After all, it would be the decision of the director to have two mimes stuck in a repeating pantomime of domestic violence outside a character’s apartment building.
Maria Conchita Alonso turns in the best performance here, as an office assistant who has the misfortune of working for Cage. He is determined to make her miserable, giving her a seemingly impossible task of mining the office’s vast archives for a single document. In Cage’s best moment, he informs her, with manic glee, this is the most horrible job he could think of, and so he gave it to her.
The torment of Alonso is truly horrific and is one of many aspects that puts the lie to this being a comedy. Still, there are some genuinely funny moments, and some of them even belong to Cage. Jennifer Beals plays the vampire who turned him, and I laughed hard as he followed her up the stairs literally slack-jawed. Another laugh resulted from a jump-cut to Cage staring bug-eyed at himself in the mirror. Then there’s a bit where Cage collapses dramatically on a sidewalk when he sees a giant neon cross outside a church.
Even with those moments, I cannot recommend Vampire’s Kiss for anybody but the biggest fans of Cage. At least those who love moments of “Cage rage” will enjoy bits like him shouting the entire alphabet. As for myself, I think the best metaphor for his picture is when an old woman in a bathroom exclaims, “What the fuck is going on here?” I asked myself that a lot while watching this.
Dir: Robert Bierman
Starring Nicholas Cage, Maria Conchita Alonso, Jennifer Beals
Watched on MVD Rewind Collection blu-ray