Nothing happens in the 1963 Italian gothic horror film The Blancheville Monster. What is confusing is how much nothing happens in it.
There is a weird inertia to this picture, even if it has a girl returning to her family castle after living in exile, her father who may or may not be deceased (and, if alive, wants to kill her–?), a disfigured person in a robe wandering the grounds, a weird grandfather clock that has a window in it where images of the zodiac cycle through at midnight, a shifty-eyed and newly-hired nurse, mesmerism (we call it hypnotism) and a development late in the movie that may be the most frequently stolen of all of Edgar Allen Poe’s tropes.
That sounds like a lot happens, except these elements occur sporadically through the picture. I can’t even call such moments plot developments, as none of them build onto each other to form a cohesive plot.
Even worse, there are long stretches of basically dead film between those moments. Some of these gaps are filled with the main girl’s sinister brother pretending to play the harpsichord. Lurch on the original Adams Family TV show was more convincing.
Most of the remainder of the screentime is conversations that superficially imply something of importance is being discussed. Even paying the slightest attention to the dialogue reveals most of what the characters say here is filler that doesn’t provide exposition or any character development. It’s as if the script was a couple of pages listing the main set pieces and just a placeholder “[TALKING]” inserted anywhere there is supposed to be dialogue.
The plot (to use the term loosely) of the film concerns that girl returning from exile to arrive in time for her 21st birthday party. At the family castle, she learns from her brother the curse that plagues the family. Not sure why she wasn’t informed of the curse ealier.
Allegedly, the family will be destroyed if a female heir ever lives to the age of 21. It seems to me the family is more likely to be doomed if a female in it doesn’t live past that age, but what do I know. I didn’t major in Italian family curses in college.
The only notably weird aspect of this whole affair is a recurring sound that different characters believe to be a howling dog or a moaning person. It sounded to me like nothing else but an elephant’s roar. I feel like nobody was willing to address the elephant that…well, wasn’t in the room. Just try to meet me halfway on that one, OK?
Still, the movie looks pretty damn good. I assume some of this was filmed on a set. What is odd is that, if that was the case, they kept the set cold enough to see the actors’ breath. One setting which clearly isn’t a set is a decaying crypt that must be a few centuries old. It looks spectacular, and I assume this was yet another instance of stumbling upon an amazing location and then devising a script around it. I just wish it had been a better script.
Overall, I was bored with The Blancheville Monster and found myself just waiting for it to play itself out. I’m not sure I would even recommend it for completist fans of gothic horror. If this was a crime scene, I would post a policeman outside the picture, telling passerby, “There’s nothing to see here.”
Dir: Alberto De Martino
Starring…look: I didn’t recognize anybody in this and doubt you will, either. In fact, the mothers of these actors may not even recognize them.
Watched on Arrow Video’s Gothic Fantastico: Four Italian Tales of Terror blu-ray box set