I was a deeply annoying shit when I was a little kid–a liar, an exaggerator, a coward and a jerk. If I had been somebody else around the time, I would have hated myself—I mean, that kid.
Almost as obnoxious as I recall myself being is 12-year-old Pat Cardi in 1966’s Let’s Kill Uncle. He’s a braggard, which I guess most people would be if they had inherited millions when their father dies. Interesting how he doesn’t seem to be deep in mourning. And he is also a serial liar, which is going to make things harder for him when he discovers his uncle (Nigel Green) is trying to kill him to get that money. Basically, this is another spin on the old “Boy Who Cried Wolf” trope.
We are introduced to Cardi on the boat ride to his uncle’s island. Also along for the trip is a young girl played by Mary Badham. Then there’s Cardi’s guardian, a police sergeant played by Robert Pickering. A telling moment is when Pickering receives a cable saying he will need to stay on the island for a day, as Green has been delayed. Consider Cardi’s reaction, and Pickering’s response: “Great! We get to spend another day together!” “Yeah [a resigned sigh]…that’s exactly what I was thinking.”
Once they’re on the island, Pickering and Cardi almost immediately begin to
get along better. There’s an odd scene that fails to be endearing where Cardi tells the sergeant about his favorite part of his uncle’s famous WWII combat memoir, Killing the Enemy. Cardi especially likes a part where his uncle strangles a Gestapo officer, and he and Pickering reenact this. Make of that what you will.
I expected the development where Green starts actively trying to kill his nephew. What did raise my eyebrows is how blatant he is about it, telling Cardi this is a game, and that one of them will be dead at the end of it. Per his rules, the house is “Switzerland”, a neutral territory, as it is unlikely the lad’s death within its confines could be ruled an accident. And Green needs it to look like an accident. Somehow, Green finds Cardi charming, though, as he puts it, “$5 million of charming, you’re not”.
I’m not sure the lad is even $5 of charming, as he engages in such obnoxious behaviors as making fun of Bedham’s intense consumption of breakfast, which is apparently the best she has eaten in quite some time. Nothing like mocking the less fortunate, such as this girl who comes from a broken home, and even that is in a trailer home. My own observation is I found it odd she is always in a white shirt, red pants and pigtails. Is this secretly a young Meg White from The White Stripes?
Given the propensity Cardi has for untruths, she is reluctant to believe his claims of a murderous uncle. It likely didn’t help the two fought for the duration of the boat ride there. Once she concludes Cardi is telling the truth about his life being in danger, she becomes a willing participant in the game, and it is she who decides “let’s kill uncle!” She says this is a bit too enthusiastically for my tastes. It’s a far cry from when the actress played Scout in To Kill a Mockingbird. Viewers may not recall, but at no point in that picture did she cheerfully quip, “Let’s go kill a mockingbird!”
Such moments suggest this will be a darker film, but is only superficially a black comedy. To call it even that feels like an exaggeration. It is more of a grey comedy, and possibly even a light one at that. I hate to spoil anything, but those expecting the kind of homicidal glee of director William Castle’s best pictures will be sorely disappointed. It has very few moments of even intended malice and it will pull every one of those already weak punches.
Most of the setups involve sharks and, if one doesn’t go into the water, those are pretty easy to avoid. One wouldn’t expect the shark to be in the unkept pool of a former hotel. Even after seeing the film, I still don’t believe an adult great white could exist in an algae-covered freshwater swimming pool, let alone one as small as this. Extrapolating from the dorsal fin we see, part of the shark’s body would be through a wall. Never mind the underwater matching shots of a real shark are in water that is completely clear, and not skanky, long-untreated pool water. Also, this is a literal pool shark, though I don’t know if that was an intended joke on the part of the filmmakers.
Another moment concerning sharks annoyed me, and that was on the boat ride there. Cardi and Bedham somehow observe a feeding frenzy of the beasts which is happening below the surface of the water. I don’t care how clear the water is, they’re not going to see that a ways in the distance and especially when the surface is choppy.
I can’t imagine anybody coming away from Let’s Kill Uncle satisfied. It occupies a strange space where non-horror fans wouldn’t care to tread and horror fans will find nothing of value. The best I can say about it is Green channels a certain whimsical malice that makes it seem this was a fun character to embody, but he isn’t given any real opportunity to do anything particularly dastardly. The sole moment in the film I found intriguing is when the kids are exploring the creepy abandoned hotel, and Bedham asks out of the blue if Cardi would like a banana. The boy reacts as incredulously as any real person would and it is the only genuine and interesting bit in the entire runtime.
Dir: William Castle
Starring Nigel Green, Mary Badham, Pat Cardi
Watched on Shout Factory blu-ray