Please take note of the following change from previous years’ version of the 1040 form.

If the past, taxpayers have been asked if they wish to contribute $3 to the Presidential Election Fund. This is no longer an option. Instead, taxpayers will be asked if they wish to donate to a different, though equally important fund.

To give some historical perspective for this change, we ask citizens to consider John F. Kennedy when he stirred the nation with the words, “Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country.”

More specifically, let’s consider what Marilyn Monroe did for him and, perhaps consequently, the country. And what about first-lady Jackie, who was all about the “O”?

Standards have relaxed greatly since that time, to the point where some of a recent ex-president’s liaisons were with a porn star. That isn’t anything to be ashamed of, though one would have to concede that isn’t exactly the same tier as Marilyn Monroe.

With that, the IRS asks you contribute to $3 to the Presidental Erection Fund. Your contribution will either help pay for very exclusive, high-paid companionship for the commander-in-chief, or may even be just a few bills tucked into the G-string of a stripper at a dive next-door to a check-cashing place.

By checking this box, you will assist the president with hitting a better quality of box.

Thank you for your attention.