I recently read an article saying studios don’t intend to make any more G-rated films, and that PG is the regarded as the new G. In found this interesting, especially given how PG was a different animal in the 70’s. I never stop being surprised when I see another such film of that rating and era that is more violent or scary than I expected. Some of them even have the kind of nudity that wouldn’t even be allowed in a PG-13 film once that rating came about in the 80’s.
Still, I was wondering how it was possible a zombie horror film could get a PG rating, even in that era. Then I watched 1972’s Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things and, well, I’m still not sure it is possible.
This is the debut feature of Bob Clark, who I was surprised to see billed as “Benjamin” Clark in the titles. He had an eclectic career, as one can tell just by considering three of his films: Black Christmas, Porky’s and A Christmas Story. I’m not a fan of that first film, but I still had hopes he might do something enjoyable with this horror comedy.
Unfortunately, the movie isn’t much on horror. The dead do not even resurrect until just over an hour into a runtime that isn’t even 90 minutes. Before that point, the emphasis is on alleged comedy, with awkward dialog had me laughing exactly once. That was during this exchange: “How many years do they give you for graverobbing?” “They hang you.” “So, it’s a suspended sentence then.”
As bad as the writing is, I’m not sure the cast could have done much better if this had been the high wit Bob Ormsby and the director thought they had written. The performances are of the community theatre sort. Go figure, the characters they embody are community theatre actors. It is the kind of production where almost everybody’s character shares the first name of the actor playing them, and we have not-very-capable actors failing to convince me they are playing bad actors.
Ormsby, as the lead, was my least favorite of the bunch. He is obviously parodying unjustifiably arrogant “genius” types who will never reach the type of stardom they believe they deserve. Instead, he comes across as somebody who really is that type of person and, through a mocking performance, are trying to convince us they are not. I was none too surprised he was a co-author of the screenplay. I can’t help but imagine much of the petty bickering between him and his fellow thespians on-screen probably played out for real when the cameras weren’t rolling.
This group has arrived by boat at an island with a great many graves, part of which is the unnamed city’s potter’s field. Ormsby has brought them there to unearth a body and perform a Satanic ritual. I was never clear on why they are doing this, and I suspect the movie isn’t certain, either.
They fail to resurrect the corpse they unburied (Seth Sklarey), so Ormsby drags it into a nearby abandoned house where he encourages everybody to do various routines with it. This part of the film is a long slog that seems to take longer to play out than the time it actually occupies. Then all the corpses on the island suddenly come back to life without any apparent root cause. Maybe they were just collectively fed up with the movie not going anywhere, and slowly.
This is a movie that doesn’t even care to establish the rules of zombiedom in the world it establishes. It appears those who die after the initial reactivation event do not reanimate. But, without knowing why the first batch of zombies happens, I was baffled as to why those newly dead don’t become even more of the undead. As the walking dead descend upon the house, everybody inside conveniently forgets there is already a corpse inside the house. The ending of the film implies the filmmakers believe the audience is dumb enough to have forgotten about it, too.
To it’s credit, the film is shot night-for-night. To its detriment, the cheap equipment and film stock used, as well as the likely lack of technical expertise, results in horribly murky imagery for about 75% of the runtime. I was reminded of the criticism many have leveled at the equally low-budget The Strangeness (a film I really like, by the way), except that movie took place in a cave and so it made sense we often see nothing more than lantern lights. The difference is, in this film, I found myself unable to see anything we were expected to see, and this was even watching on a blu-ray that is likely the best presentation this film will ever receive.
As far as gore is concerned, there is only a bit of blood, but just the general nature of the material left me surprised Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things was rated PG. In my opinion, showing a zombie appearing to eat the insides of a person would have warranted a R before the advent of the PG-13. Aside from that, my only lingering thought concerned the corpse for which Ormsby has the troupe throw a fake celebration. Was this, by any chance, where Oingo Boingo got the idea for the song “Dead Man’s Party”. If so, that’s one more thing for which I can blame this picture.
Dir: Bob Clark
Starring…honestly, I don’t feel like bothering listing a cast
Watched on VCI blu-ray