That is sage advice I tried to keep in mind while watching 1982’s Alone in the Dark, but I simply couldn’t turn off my brain for a film I can’t believe I liked just the same. 

For example, the plot centers on four escaped violent lunatics from an asylum that is really just an old mansion.  The ward they are in is on the top floor, which is only accessible through a door locked via electronic keypad.  Now, in the event of a power failure, would you expect that door to stay in the locked position or automatically unlock?  I would expect the former, but it’s the latter which happens. 

Now, imagine you are the sole guard in that ward, and you have nothing with which to protect yourself.  Given the guard (Brent Jennings) seemed like an intelligent person up until this point, wouldn’t you assume he would know the door would be automatically unlocked in such an event?  At least, wouldn’t you try to flee if you were in the same shoes as him?  And yet he doesn’t, and the same fate befalls him as it did to most Black characters in movies of this type and vintage.

And the insanity unleased by that power outage spreads to the town proper, where suburbanites set fires and loot stores.  I suspected that development was meant to be a joke.  There is evidence of such awareness in these scenes, as one guy steals a mannequin and another walks away with what appear to be nothing other than oversized props for a public access TV children’s show.

Our escapees are Jack Palance, Martin Landau, Erland van Lidth and a mystery man known only as The Bleeder.  We never see the face of that last inmate while he is in the institution, so you know that can only be the setup for a twist later in the movie.  I don’t want to spoil anything, but any viewer will likely aware of the concept of Ebert’s Economy of Characters, even if they don’t know the theory by name.  Basically, every character in a movie must have a reason for their existence, which often makes it easy to determine who the killer is in things like this.  I immediately guessed who the mystery man was, but still was disappointed to discover I was right.  That it is this particular character is the result of events that are so improbable as to likely be impossible.  At least, they are nonsensical.

Palance has convinced the others their new doctor (Dwight Schultz) has killed their previous one, so they find the doc’s house and terrorize him and his family.  In addition to Shultz, there is his wife (Deborah Hedwall) and a daughter who is amusingly cynical for her age (Elizabeth Ward).  The doctor’s 20-something sister (Lee Taylor-Allan) just happens to be visiting.  She conveniently has a fear of the dark.

She also is a punk, if more in appearance than in commitment to the lifestyle.  When the blackout happens, it is in the middle of a concert she dragged Shultz and Ward to.  The band is the Sic Fucks, and I had never heard of them before seeing this film.  I’m not tempted to hear more of their music, as it was basically screamy pub rock instead of punk.  Still, I was amused the female backup singers were wielding oversize prop weapons like some sort of proto-GWAR.

I was also surprised to see an early appearance by Lin Shaye.  I’m sure most people remember her primarily from the Insidious series, though she has had a long career that started long before that.  It was strange seeing her in this picture, as she was so young at the time.  I assume her connection on this film was her older brother, Robert Shaye, as he was one of the writers.  He eventually went on to be an executive producer on the Lord of the Rings trilogy, so it was interesting to see where he started out.

What I found most frustrating about Alone in the Dark is there is a potentially better work here, but it seems somebody was determined to handicap it.  The film opens on a dream sequence that is genuinely creepy, and nothing after it lives up to that promise. 

Dir: Jack Sholder

Starring: Jack Palance, Martin Landau, Dwight Shultz

Watched on Shout Factory blu-ray