Most people would assume that, if a train could talk, it would say, “I think I can…I think I can…”, but the train in 1949’s The Undercover Man goes “How about your wife?  How about your wife?”, at least in Glenn Ford’s head, per a looped threat said in the voice of mob lawyer Barry Kelley.  Concerned about wife Nina Foch, Ford’s Treasury agent immediately goes halfway across the country to her by train instead of just calling to see if she’s alright.

Despite the title, Ford doesn’t seem to go undercover when trying to bring down the faceless and anonymous kingpin only known as The Big Fella.  Maybe the title means there are women in drag going undercover in to the world of men.  Maybe some of them are in a separate waiting area for men we see in a train station.  Regarding that separate waiting room, I wonder what that was about.

If there is anything Ford does here which might be considered undercover, it would be his attempt to convince mob accountant Robert Osterloh to turn over evidence.  In the film’s most noir moment of photography, these two meet in the back of a darkened theater, right next to the projector’s beam of light, capturing dust motes and whirls of smoke.  Hard to believe, but people could smoke in most movie theaters well into the 80’s.

Alas, Osterloh will get killed almost immediately after this, his box of Cracker Jacks spilled all over the street.  Wonder how the deceased reacted when they discovered the surprise inside the box was their own death.

If there is one thing which distinguishes this film, it is our hero being an admitted pencil pusher.  In one odd shot, the camera focuses on a literal pencil bouncing in his hand like he’s either going to start conducting with or do the rubber pencil trick.  But it is interesting a noir would be largely moments like the good guys pouring over a bookie’s ledger and trying to tie fake names to real ones.  I don’t know why they assume Tom Jones is an alias, as the singer has deep coffers.  I’d say that, if he wants to place some bets, it’s not unusual.

But Ford and his fellow forensic accountants are as good at punching criminals as they are punching numbers.  I think of them as Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Treasury Agents.  In one scene, James Whitmore hangs around in an illegal gambling join for fifteen minutes, provoking a manager whom Whitmore assaults.  Then he demands to see their books.  Couldn’t Whitmore just do that as soon as he arrived?

Ford and Foch have an odd relationship, showing them in their leisure time engaged in such wholesome pursuits as duck hunting.  Their love will last forever, even if their bloodlust cannot be sated.  And Ford has a romantic way with words, informing her, “I love you.  And I’m glad you’re alive.”  Funny how Hallmark has yet to make a card with that as the sentiment.  We will also see them cuddling at the base of a tree where we earlier saw her reading a letter from him.  I like to think the envelope for that missive said on the front, “To be read while relaxing at the base of a tree…”  We hear the contents of that letter in Ford’s voiceover, telling her things like, “Something will break any day now.”  Given how worn-down he sounds, I was betting he was the thing that was going to break.

Instead, he perseveres, finding a weak link that eventually leads to even smug lawyer Kelley making a deal. For somebody who is so intelligent, Kelley makes a very naive and stupid deal which is based on some unrealistic assumptions.  He sure seems determined to be next person for whom the police will need to fill out a “DEAD BODY REPORT”, like we saw earlier for another stiff.  None of this highfalootin’ “CORONER’S REPORT” for the tough guy accountants of the Treasury Department.

The Undercover Man is pedestrian noir, though it still has its charms.  Ford, Foch and Kelley already had several credits in the genre and they obviously know the drill.  Alas, the film does little more than follow the template for such films.  Not even the dialogue has much snap, though I will remember the picture for this exchange between Kelley and Ford: “You’re either a very honest man or a very stupid one.”  “Is there a difference?”

Dir: Joseph H. Lewis

Starring Glenn Ford, Nina Foch, James Whitmore, Barry Kelley

Watched as part of Powerhouse/Indicator UK’s (region B) blu-ray set Columbia Noir #1