I have a title ready if anybody ever decides to make a second movie about a deadly dessert that consumes the consumer, and that is Terrormisu: The Dessert Which Eats You. Not that this is any better than the title of a movie where that is exactly what happens, that being 1985’s The Stuff. Looking like something halfway between whipped cream and frozen yogurt, it has great ad copy, that being, “Enough is never enough”.
It is also a good description for Larry Cohen’s delirious and sprawling horror film, a work which never stops surprising the viewer which its bizarre twists and turns. I may say of some movies that they zig when you expect them to zag, but this is one that escapes the curve from the x-y plane and sometimes juts off onto the z-axis.
It opens in someplace that appears to be an Arctic outpost. Maybe this is where they buried The Blob at the conclusion of the original version of that film. Something that looks like marshmallow cream bubbles out the ground and a guy puts some of that in his mouth. It says something about human nature that this is completely believable. I was also reminded of The X-Files and how Mulder was always at crime scenes, putting his fingers in various gross or mysterious liquid and tasting them.
It says even more about humans that a corporation starts packaging this mysterious goo and marketing it as a dessert. Much like the formula for Coke, the production of The Stuff is kept under strict security. Michael Moriarty, a specialist in corporate espionage and sabotage, has been hired to investigate that. He discovers the people at the FDA who granted approval of the product have largely gone on expensive vacations to exotic locales.
One of those board members has stayed closer to home and that is Danny Aiello. The man’s behavior is suspicious, though he appears to readily provide Moriarty with the paperwork he requests. What is most peculiar is he seems to be scared of his own dog, and that is likely because he has been feeding it The Stuff as a treat. He should know better than that, given how dangerous ordinary ice cream is for dogs. Still, real ice cream doesn’t result in what happens here, where the dog’s head stretches and contorts as the white mass inside its stomach struggles to get back out again.
Young Scott Bloom has also seen The Stuff move on its own, though not in such a horrific manner. Going to the fridge in the middle of the night for a snack, he sees some of it crawling back into its overturned carton. Awfully considerate of a food product to restore itself to its packaging. Bloom makes headlines when he goes crazy in a supermarket, trying to destroy as many containers of it as he can. The kid looks like he’s having a blast as he does things like taking a broom and knocking off cartons as he runs alongside a long display case.
His parents and his older brother are very insistent he start eating this mystery product which seemingly becomes their sole food source. I suspect this trio were a bit creepy even before this, as they look and talk like they’re in a commercial. Consider this line from mom, as she cleans up a bit of the goo after Bloom tosses yet another container: “Non-calorie, good tasting and it doesn’t even spot!” Oh, it cleans alright, and it especially cleans out the insides of those who are eating it.
Bloom escapes from the house after a ruse involving shaving cream that is just as weird and implausible as the scene in Phantasm where a kid escapes from a locked room through an improvised explosive device made of a tack, a shotgun shell, a hammer and lots of tape. Equally improbable is Moriarty waiting in this car outside the house just in time to rescue him. The kid explains what happened, right after he has regurgitated all that shaving cream he ingested. Moriarty takes this in stride: “Everybody has to eat shaving cream every once in a while.”
This duo, along with marketing executive Andrea Marcovicci, end up following the trail of the product to its heavily guarded facility in Marietta, Georgia, and become determined to destroy the operation. Along the way, they meet unusual comrades in the effort, such as Garrett Morris, a king of the chocolate cookie bakers, ala Famous Amos. There’s also Paul Sorvino, as the commander of a militia, in a truly unexpected development. Like I said earlier, this film doesn’t just zig or zag, but takes completely unexpected turns which require a new word, possibly “zugs”.
The effects are also often shocking in their originality. I like how I’m not entirely certain how some of these were achieved, in particular a guy who is so suddenly, violently and thoroughly attacked by The Stuff that it pushes him right up a wall and to the ceiling. Some other effects are compromised by poor compositing or sub-par matte work, but I was willing to suspend my disbelief.
I found that easy to do when Moriarty is clearly having so much fun. I don’t know if much, or any, of the dialogue was adlibbed, but he delivers his lines like they are. My favorite moment in the film is when one of his customers observes Moriarty is not as dumb as he appears to be, resulting in this interesting line: “No one is as dumb as I appear to be.” There is even something a hair intimidating in how he says this.
The rest of cast also appears to be have a good time, though not as much as him. I think it is notable Marcovicci is able to maintain such enthusiasm when she is in a rather thankless role. Alas, that was typical for women in such fare back in the 80’s. Other signs you are watching a picture from that era are the commercials, one of which stars Abe Vigogda and Clara Peller, the “Where’s the beef?” woman. Only after a second time watching this film did I wonder why they even bothered advertising a product it seems all but a handful of individuals are consuming obsessively. There’s even a stand dispensing the product to a large crowd at 2:30 in the morning.
The Stuff is an odd, but fascinating, construction which somehow sticks the landing despite the feeling throughout the runtime this ramshackle beast could fall apart at any moment. It is classified as horror, but there is enough action, comedy and social commentary to challenge inclusion in that genre. If anything, it is eerily prescient today, as so many have benefitted from the weight loss drug Ozempic and others like it. Nobody knows how that stuff works, either.
Dir: Larry Cohen
Starring Michael Moriarty, Andrea Marcovicci, Scott Bloom
Watched on Arrow Video blu-ray