Quick and easy movie test: what does the title acronym of 1984’s C.H.U.D. stand for? If you said “Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dweller”, you’re right! Aaand you’re wrong.
The definition everybody thinks it is comes from George Martin’s Nuclear Regulatory Commission stooge. He has a report with that cryptic acronym on it and Daniel Stern and Christopher Curry ask what it means. But, as Stern and John Heard discover later, it really means “Contamination Hazard Urban Disposal”.
For a movie as relatively little seen as this one, I find it strange how thoroughly it has permeated popular culture. I bet there are far more people who believe they know what C.H.U.D. stands for than have actually seen it. I know it used to be staple of video store shelves back in the VHS era, and don’t think there is anything that could have convinced me to rent it back then.
Which is why I’m here—to desperately try to convince you to see what is a smarter, more interesting and more enjoyable film than even most horror fans give it credit for. It also has subtleties and character shadings which bring it closer to serious drama than most genre fans tend to enjoy.
Not that the drama is on with something like, oh let’s say, On Golden Pond. Still, a large part of the runtime concerns photographer Heard and wife Kim Griest discussing how to proceed now that she’s learned she’s pregnant. To my considerable surprise, this conversation plays out more organically and sensitively than I thought possible from such a film. He tells her the decision is entirely hers, whether she decides to keep the baby or go with the “alternative”. Rather shyly, he asks if, should he happen to ask her to keep it, would she say “yes”, which she does. In our present age, where too many bros are talking shit about “her body, my choice”, more guys need to see this movie.
Griest had been scared to bring a new person into the world. That is more than understandable if one lives in their New York City neighborhood, where people are going missing at a much higher rate than usual. Police chief Curry is having trouble maintaining the cover story he has been ordered to use, especially after his own wife is abducted.
Much like in real life, a great many of those who go missing are homeless, and most people don’t give a sewer rat’s ass about them. But Stern’s manager of a shelter does, and it is he who brings to Curry’s attention the sudden disappearance of many of his wards who live underground. There two also have a history, as Stern used to be a burglar.
Stern takes Curry down into the homeless underworld, where they find some bizarre items of the like the shelter owner has been seeing recently: Geiger counters, radiation sensors and parts of radiation suits. They also learn Heard has been down there and had taken photos of a man’s leg which had a bite taken out of it.
The plot’s structure is oddly episodic, with us following characters alone or in various combinations. Especially noteworthy is how long Heard is sidelined in a picture where he is supposed to be the star. It is quite some time before connections are established between all the main characters.
Performances are solid across the board. A serious conversation between Stern and Curry plays out in a single take. Griest, whom I have only previously seen in Brazil, is very personable in a rather shallow role. Still, I like how she does everything she can to barricade a door in one scene, instead of just screaming helplessly. Heard is a bit of a prick here, though far less than he was in Chilly Scenes of Winter. In one scene, Griest nearly loses a modelling job because he won’t stop mouthing off. His real-life sister Cordis Heard plays a minor character who has the same reaction to everything boss Curry says, and I started calling her Officer Eyeroll. There is also an early appearance by John Goodman in a fairly significant role, though his screentime is brief. I believe we see more of Sam McMurray as a cop here than we did in Raising Arizona, where his sleazy character pisses off a cop. In a strange coincidence, Goodman would also be in that film and, like here, they would not have any scenes together. Funny, but Heard and Stern would go on to be in the first two Home Alone features and they also wouldn’t have any scenes together.
As for the effects, there are few of them and some are better than others. A gore effect of that leg bite is still stomach-turning. The monsters, on the other hand, are stiff rubber things with glowing eyes. They are not scary, but a bit where one’s neck extends out impossibly long reminded me a similar effect in Carpenter’s The Thing. I wish the filmmakers had chosen to show the creatures obscurely, as in a bit where the corpse of one is reflected in the faceplate of Curry’s radiation suit.
There aren’t many missteps, except for a moment that was clearly shoehorned-in, where Griest gets bathed in blood shooting out of a shower drain. I can overlook physics and the rationale for many things in a horror picture but, in the world in which this film takes place, it doesn’t seem possible to have that much blood and have it back out of a drain so forcefully. Never mind how the blood got into the drainpipe originally.
I even enjoy the score, and this is one of the few movies for which I own the soundtrack album. Credited to Cooper Hughes, the composer is actually Martin Cooper and David Hughes of Orchestral Maneuvers in the Dark. It is the kind of meaty analog synth work which recalls Carpenter’s work in the 80’s.
C.H.U.D. feels like the oddball output of Larry Cohen. In a bit like something out of his The Stuff, Stern tries to call a newspaper from a pay phone, only for the NRC agent tailing him to take his quarter and eat it. Instead, the director of this is Douglas Cheek, in his sole directorial effort for the big screen. That’s a shame, because I would have liked to have seen what else he might have done. Quirky, exciting and, at times, almost touching, this is a movie which ticks a great many boxes for me and which has my highest recommendation.
Dir: Douglas Cheek
Starring John Heard, Daniel Stern, Christopher Curry, Kim Griest
Watched on Arrow Video blu-ray